Evolutionary Data

"Do you want the extra deep scrubbing, scraping, abrasive rubbing callous treatment, hon" said Mildred my mani pedi expert, examining them criticially after having me remove them from the almost scalding hot water that I was afraid to tell her...

A sad day for happyish

Okay, men, this one is for you. Remember this tune? "I want to be happy, but I can't be happy, 'til I make you happy too." Not happening. Unless, that is, you have her undergo an extensive DNA mapping to...

Aspirations

Having no skill set for loftier goals, like developing sustainable agricultural techniques or saving endangered species, I've set my sights somewhat lower. I want to write the next incarnation of a Shades of Grey trilogy. It's been called the erotic...

Willpower

Defined as...Self control. Determination. Drive. Grit. Single mindedness. Can you relate? Picture Helen, who wasn't going to indulge in even the teeniest, tiniest, itsy bitsyish, mini slice of the cake she had just baked. Controlled. Determined. Eating the left over...

Deceptions

"You look great, gorgeous, fantastic," he said. "Oh, no, really, I don't" she said, casting her eyes downward, eyelashes a flutter. Gently rearranging the curl that had fallen into her line of vision, was she pantomiming the ultimate female flirt...

Seeing is Believing

In 1968, the story goes, some enterprising creatives at the venerated advertising agency BBDO slipped 15 marbles, or thereabouts, under the vegetables in a bowl of vegetable soup. Not for flavor enhancement, you understand, but to keep the vegetables from...

Making sense of senescent

Take a good luck at this image. Which one is the healthy one? Finished? It's the little guy on the right. Would you have picked him? That's why I'm not a scientist, but a slave to the fashion magazines. I...

The Last Rose of Summer

Right, it's a hydrangea. But, even Thomas Moore knew that hydrangea wouldn't work itself gracefully into a line of poetry. And besides, finding one rose alive and well while all its mates are preparing themselves to become sachet, wasn't easy....

Does this App Make Me Look Fat?

Gladys, feeling somewhat desperate, looked furtively around the communal dressing room. Was there, she wondered, anyone that she could really really trust to ask, "how do I really really look in this outfit?" My god, she realized, not a soul....

So chic

I'm seriously thinking that I need to buy this outfit. It's from the Comme des Garçon 2011 Spring collection. And, if those who are in the know tell us that this is the latest in 'must haves', who am I...

Failing Martha

"Let's hang out, do nothing, relax," cooed my friend. "Ok, sure," I said, "I have no problem hanging out." It's the doing nothing and trying to relax that's a problem for me. "Here" she said, tossing over one of her...

How long is your Telemere?

Think about asking that in mixed company. Want to know where your telemere is? They are structures on the tips of your chromosones that shorten as you age. Paralleling, no doubt, the rest of you that is shrinking right before...

PERMA

Not a new product from L'Oreal, but rather an acronym defining, according to Dr. Martin Seligman in his new book Flourish, the five crucial elements of well being. PERMA--My New Mantra Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment. Apparently, he...

The look of love

I've never been quite able to get that gaze of adoration down pat. You thinking what I'm thinking? Are John Mc Cain and Newt Gingrich married to the same woman? What's even scarier is that I think they were married...

Emerging Maturity Crisis

Are you in an Emerging Maturity Crisis? I read that headline and thought, am I being asked what happens now that my Muni Bonds have come due and I won't know how, where or if, I should reinvest the money?...

A Consensus from a Census?

Living in Somerville Mass. your 2010 Census questions might have included "How many people are living in your home currently? What is your age? What is your race?" "How much do you weigh?" Kidding. The census takers are seeking the...

Alexis Bittar

Know of him? 42ish, talented jewelry designer, a Brooklyn boy. And, my newest idol. But, not for his very wonderful jewelry designs. It's for his selection of his latest poster girl. Lauren Hutton. Unlike Nora Ephron, it appears that Lauren's...

Mnemonics

Misplaced your keys? Forgot where you parked? Can't remember your age. Okay, that one is not a memory issue, just wishful thinking. Can't spell anymore? There's hope. Joshua Foer, in his new book, "Moonwalking With Einstein," says that our memories...

"Poppa don't Preach"

..."Cause I'm having his baby," she sang. "Poppa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep" she lamented. What's a Poppa to do? I know. Get her an app for her iphone and let the Church handle things. Not exactly 1-800-Confession, but...

Parallel Universes

"Think of the universe as a deck of cards, began the explanation. "Now, if you shuffle that deck, there's just so many orderings that can happen. If you shuffle that deck enough times, the orders will have to repeat. Similarly,...

It's a Wrap

The platters were prepared and placed before the six unsuspecting folks sitting around the table. All the necessary ingredients to put together your very own, to your liking, Taco. "Go on" the hostess said gleefully, "make it however you'd like...

"Will You Love Me Tomorrow?"

Don Kirshner the music producer and publisher, who passed away this week, was quoted as saying something along the lines of "I can't tell you how good my life story is, but my songs will make a great sound track."...

A brief respite...

For a brief time.... As I look into the future....

Rose Colored Anything

Everything looks better in pink light, don't you think? I think I heard somewhere that the Ritz, in Paris, has its dining room illuminated by pink bulbs, with pinkish shades and everyone looks fabulous. They have to look good, after...

Sur le pont d'Avignon

And there I was. Sur le Pont. Neither dancing on, under or near by, I'm way too inhibited. Nor would I allow myself to sing any of the verses, had I known any of the verses. So sad, but since...

Name that Boulevard

Have you been to any of these places? Stroll/meander/saunter. Park yourself at some outdoor cafe, have an aperitif, cafe or some other liquid of your choice and people watch. And, more importantly, be confident that it's easy to remember where...

Where should we go? What should we do?

There are certain truths I've come to accept while vacationing here in France. Follow a gaggle of tourists and you are pretty certain to hear conversations that go something along the lines of "it's over there," "no, it's to the...

For Sale- 600 rooms, 300 terraces, Southern Exposure

Interested? There are a few pros and cons to consider...Sadly, for some, it no longer comes with a prince. It was hard to always keep things neat and tidy, and in tip top shape, as the previous owners had to...

au sujet "Pain"--

I thought exactly the same thing. Lets think about this. My image is that of a frenchmen, riding a bicycle, a wicker basket perched on the front handlebars, and at least 2 or 3 loaves of hot and crusty pointing...

Huitres-- day 2

Imagine a ^ over the i if you are a purist. I haven't the foggiest notion as to how to make that happen. There it sits, hovering over the 6, waiting for someone clever to make use of it. I,...

On The Road Again

Bonjour... Stay tuned for snippets from afar. Like from France. Lots to do. Dinner with the Sarkozy's, meetings with the EU, collecting volcanic ash... Will be closely adhering to the Mediterranean Diet and learning how to affect the scarf maneuver...

Performance Art

It seems to me that a great deal of "performance art" is much like rubbernecking at a highway mishap. You aren't sure why you are staring so intently, chastise yourself for the amount of time you are spending staring, yet...

Lorne Michaels channels Peter Pan

Peter, if you remember, doesn't grow up. As in get older. It must be the fairy dust. He does return, from time to time, to the Darling household, in a feeble attempt to reengage the now aging Wendy for a...

Pick me, Pick me

I have never been selected for a focus group, solicited for a survey, probed, poked or queried for a scientific study. I do receive phone calls asking for contributions to slightly shady causes. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count. And...

A Cape and Tights, that works

Inspired by the reviews of IronMan 2, I've decided I am going to be the next superhero(ine). Really. My legs are probably still good enough. Or so I'm told. Tights, additionally and cleverly, conceal any unsightly bumps, lumps and those...

Generically speaking

Is it dullish, boring, bland? Without any true identity? Just wallpaper? Generic really does get a bad rap, doesn't it? Do you find yourself skulking up to the check out counter if your cart is loaded with store branded items?...

Want a gelatinous Mojito, with a Seafood cotton candy concoction as a chaser?

Anderson Cooper did. Did you see him interview celebrity Chef Jose Andres on 60 Minutes? Did you notice that I still don't know how to put an accent over a letter? And did you, like me, wonder how Anderson Cooper...

I'll have a little hip with a side of trendy, please.

The Brooklyn Ball. I actually could have attended this event. If I had been on the mailing list. Or, had made a mega donation. Or knew someone who knew someone. Or paid attention to my mail... other than the please...

Candlelabras on the Colorado

Can you imagine the challenge of figuring out how to seduce and beguile tourists/adventurers/those with any disposable income/where do we go next/ to pick your company for their next vacation? Wilderness and gourmet cooking? Why not. You might have decided...

Procrastinate?

Dillydally? Isn't that a great word? Wonder where it originated. I might look that up. Later, after I put away the dishes. But first I have to write a few emails. Then, after I separate the whites from the darks...

Ironic?

We all understand the horrific implications of the catastrophe of the erupting Volcano in Iceland. So, I was somewhat startled this evening when I saw this advertisement for Icelandair. I can assume that the person responsible for removing and replacing...

"I coulda been a contender"

Actually he coulda. If his parents had been prize fighters would it have mattered? Depending on the latest research it might have helped, but then again, it might not have. It seems what he really needed to do was practice....

Doubly Fried

Not a good time to be the Colonel. I'll tell you about his continued troubles forthwith, but tell me, does he look a little cross eyed to you? Anyhow, if their fried chicken, biscuits and gravy, mashed potatoes and other...

Scary, right?

Can you guess? Give you a hint? Nah.

Challenges

At this time of year some of us are confronted with a myriad of challenges. Your spring/summer lighter seasonal clothing comes out, but...oh my....will it fit? One could blame it on the freshman 15, but not having been to college...

Raising a Ruckus

How much do you think a Ruckus is worth? It seems pretty evident that a good many States are frantically trying to figure out how to bring in more revenue by taxing just about anything. And I mean anything. Clowns....

Crossing Over

Move over Judge Judy. There's a new kid in town. His name is Robert Hansen and he's a Psychic. Not only can he get in contact with the dearly departed, he apparently can settle disputes between those still here and...

"Draw me a picture of that"

"Or, physically demonstrate that..." That's what I would have said to you, as I always thought that's how I learned stuff. "Just, tell me, and I will get it"... apparently, not so much. So sad to learn that. My well...

Mistaken Identity

Checking emails. Easy. Delete or respond. Respond later, waver about deleting. Get pissed at friends who request that you forward their epistle to everyone else in your address book, definitively not the definition of what friends should do. But, for...

Bees do it

Not that. Knowing where to go and what to do next. Or ants. Them too. I have to believe that both species of bug must have teeny tiny cell phones with teeny tiny apps giving them their marching orders. Just...